Tag: Parenting

Are You a Pusher Parent?

Big E turned six last week so I’ve spent a large amount of my time celebrating. There was the family dinner, presents, a bouncy house outing and taking a friend, cousin and sister to the arcade. With a birthday in January and my being eight months pregnant my outdoor celebratory options were minimal. I did arrange for Big E to go skiing with a talented teenage neighbor (Mountain Dad doesn’t ski yet) but the morning of his big day he told me in no uncertain terms, “Today’s my birthday. I can’t go skiing.”
I’m not sure what about the day would prevent him from skiing. In my world snowboarding would be the number one activity of choice for my big day. I was flummoxed and asked him repeatedly, “Are you sure you don’t want to go skiing today? You can go for just an hour if you want.” But he was sure. It was his birthday and he didn’t want to spend it skiing.
This brought up an interesting self reflective question. Am I a pusher parent? My answer: Yes.
You know the kind, the ones who live vicariously through their children, who excessively encourage sports, academics, dance or any other interest to the detriment of their over-scheduled offspring. There’s a great chapter on this in the book All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood by Jennifer Senior. I talked about this book in this previous post.
It discusses the pressure parents feel to have their children involved and the causes of that pressure. What parent doesn’t want their child to develop talents, learn discipline, and make friends, after all? Sports, scouting, clubs and groups are great ways to accomplish that, but how does the child’s schedule affect the family unit as a whole? I don’t want to be just a taxi service for my over-involved children and after reading All Joy and No Fun I decided I wouldn’t force my kids into anything.
Then ski season came around.
We live near Sundance Resort in Utah. Our family chooses to live here because of its easy access to recreational activities. I LOVE snowboarding, it is one of the top ways I feel joy in being alive. In fact being pregnant during this entire ski season has caused more than a few depressed days this winter. I fully intend to teach my kids to ski and snowboard as soon as they can walk. I want that to be the sport they care about as much as I do. In my house I’d love for the winter X games to be a bigger sporting event than the Super Bowl.
If that makes me a pusher parent, oh well. I believe a love of outdoor sports is worth a little parental pressure.
I hope my influence doesn’t cross the line between coercion and creating a outdoor family culture. My goal as a parent is to give my children skills they can use throughout their lives, very specific skills that have brought joy and adventure to my own life. Here’s my list:
1 – Skiing or Snowboarding.  It’s just so awesomely fun, plus when they’re teenagers we’ll have something in common and they’ll be stuck on a lift with me, forcing them to talk to me about it.
2 – Music. Playing the piano and trumpet opened doors to friendships I would not have had otherwise. I could take pride in my abilities, even though I never was an exceptionally good musician.
3 – Speaking Spanish. Learning a foreign language was hard. For me it included two foreign exchange programs and a lot of extra classes in high school and college. But I use Spanish in my life a lot and if I can give that gift to my kids and make it easier by teaching them when they’re young, I’ll do it.
4 – Riding a bike and swimming.Swimming can save lives and every kid should know how to ride a bike.
I guess my kids will have to live with the fact that I will push them in these areas. I’ll have to get over it too. Activities above and beyond these will have to be inspired by the kids themselves.

So, in what areas are you a pusher parent? I can’t be the only one out there…I hope.

Union Station

Photos from the Ogden Union Station
Big E watches the train go by.

 

Mountain Mom, little g and Big E working on the railroad.

 

Big E’s favorite playground

The goal of this blog is to do outdoor activities with my children, however with a coughing baby and 25 degree weather the idea of going outside yesterday was too cold, even for my adventurous side.  Instead we went with Grandma to the Ogden Union Station.  Outside there are big engines to look at and climb on, but watch out for slippery snow up top.

Inside there was a large open waiting area, a small train display and caboose to climb on outside of the museum.  In the museum we played with handheld trains, on the handcart and on the caboose.  Big E’s favorite part by far was chasing the electric trains that run through the panorama describing the connecting of the transcontinental railroad, especially since he got to push the button to make it go.

As is always the case, tears came at some point on the trip.  In the gift shop there was a tiny train engine that suddenly became the object of Big E’s deepest desires.  Whining, crying, and on the ground pouting commenced.  Luckily Grandma was there to remove him from the feet of other museum goers; with little g in the pack it’s hard to lift an almost 3 year old.  I tried bribery, comfort, ignoring and physical removal from the situation but as is often the case distraction was the only real cure for his tears.  I thought the incident was over but later Big E brought it up again.

During lunch Big E suddenly said “The pee is coming! The pee is coming!”  At home we’ve been practicing going pee on the potty and since this was the first time he has instigated the potty training I jumped at the chance to practice.  We rushed to the bathroom and then back to our table.  After lunch was over E went potty again and then announced “Now I get the train!”  His joy was almost tangible, so much so that I could not refuse.  We bought him the tiny overpriced train and he has not let go of it since.

Happy Birthday to Me!



For my birthday yesterday my husband and I (along with his brother and family) took the kids to Crystal Hot Springs in Honeyville, UT. The photo on this website http://www.crystalhotsprings.net/ is slightly deceiving; it doesn’t look quite that nice in the middle of January, but it was still fun.

Crystal hot springs is a series of pools built around naturally occurring hot springs. The temperature of the water ranged from 70 to 108 degrees depending on which pool you went to. Big E, my two year old, ran pell mell between the 96 degree pool and the 70 degree pool. All I can say is that 70 degrees is not that warm when your body is accustomed to 96. E didn’t mind though, he was all about jumping in the freezing water polar bear style. Thank goodness for life jackets.
Little g on the other hand didn’t know what to think. Most of the time she just slept in her car seat but for the short time she was swimming with us there was definitely some crying. Overall she did great just gliding around being held by mom or dad but when she first got in the pool she let out a wild woman scream that would seem like we were torturing her. And according to some fellow pool goers we were.
Two women approached me to warn me about the mineral content of the pools, which is the highest in the US and possibly the world. Lithium is especially high here, which is a main ingredient in antidepressants. Many people come to these pools for that purpose, a natural mood lifter. However the effect of these mineral pools on small children is unknown. Being properly concerned I took little g out, rinsed off and put her in her car seat for a nap. However, Big E was not to be stopped so if there are lasting effects from this mineral soak I will let you know. I’m not too worried since he was jumping in the freezing water pool and running around the deck for the majority of the time anyway.
For me Crystal Hot Springs was a fun excursion with my family. I wanted to go there specifically because it’s warm and my kids could swim outside in January. However, others apparently felt I was encroaching on their healing bath. As one older gentlemen left the pool he mumbled under his breath, “Doesn’t anyone have jobs? What are they teaching these kids, that they should just play all the time?” Uh, yeah. Kids should play, that’s their job.
At one point when cousin E slipped and bonked her head, another pool goer, who thought mom reacted too slowly yelled, “Are you just going to watch her drown? That’s the second time she’s done that!” Cousin E was crying, mom was comforting her and a few minutes later all was well, except for the awkward feeling in the air. Why do people feel the need to comment on other people’s parenting? They shouldn’t judge the mother of an independent 18 month old because she’s letting her daughter explore with mom was 10 feet away.
Overall we enjoyed the trip, enjoyed the warmth and enjoyed each others company. I encourage any other mountain moms and pops to take their kids there and enjoy the pools and summertime waterslide. Just use common sense and ignore others’ rude comments.
Bonuse: my skin feels extra soft today, thanks mineral bath! 🙂