Month: February 2013

Is It Worth It?

The other day, I took Big E and little g sledding on a nearby hill.  It was beautiful weather and E was bursting with excitement, ready to conquer the slope. I was happy just being outside after wrestling everyone into snow gear. Little g, a new walker, was happy walking.  
As we headed toward the slope, little g decided she would rather stay to flatter terrain and walk down our driveway. A contented smile lit up her face, at least until she made it to the road. That’s when I stopped her. I picked her up and brought her back to the top of the driveway.  Again she walked happily down, making straight for oncoming traffic. Again I picked her up. Meanwhile, Big E wanted me to slide down the hill with him.  This video describes what happened.
As you can see, even the best laid plans don’t always work out. After the crying, I brought little g back to the house and a sick Mountain Dad tried to cheer her up. Big E and I then went down the hill twice before snow got in my coat and the sun started setting. We trudged back up the hill to find little g still screaming, more for mama to hold her, not because she fell. 
We had barely been outside at all before she slipped. Total we maybe spent fifteen minutes outdoors. My fun sledding activity promptly failed, despite my best efforts.
It wasn’t as if I was ill prepared. We all wore warm clothes, mittens and boots. I chose a time of day when both kids were well rested and fed. But despite all my efforts the activity ended with little g screaming, Big E slipping and me dragging kids and a big blue sled up the hill. All that work for only fifteen minutes.  
Sometimes I wonder if any outdoor experience is worth the effort. 
Weighing the needs of both children with my own (and I need to be outside at least everyday for my sanity) is a constant battle. Do I bundle us all up to play outside if I know little g will inevitably get cold, wet and cranky? On our sledding activity would it have better to force little g to go on the sled with me, while she wriggled and cried the whole time? Or would it have been better to make Big E stay on the driveway with us, ignoring his plea to go down the hill?
I found myself frustrated and tired. Failure does that to a person.  But after a while I decided that I would still hold out hope. I choose to be a Mountain Mom because it combines two of my great loves – my children and the outdoors. It’s a lot of work sometimes.  It’s thankless and tiring. Yet, I continue to choose it.
Here’s why:
Life takes work. Having kids takes work. Staying inside takes work, so does being outdoors. My craving for fresh air and exhilarating mountain activity makes the sacrifice worth it…usually. Being outdoors improves my mood and makes me a better wife and mother. I believe my kids deserve to have me at my best, even if that means they have to endure some difficult outdoor activities to get there. The family culture Mountain Dad and I are trying to cultivate includes being outdoors. That is part of being in our family. I’m committed to keep trying because being a Mountain Mom brings me joy. And teaching my kids by example how to find joy in life is the best part of being a parent. 

Winter and Summer Extremes

Seasons in the mountains reach the extremes.  
In winter, snow falls in bucket fulls, leaving the world draped in a thick white blanket.  For good or ill, everything is covered by a new, clean layer. Dead looking trees with barren branches sleep, saving their energy for the growth that will come in spring. The freezing temperatures create a dramatic, monochromatic world, where the dark stone of the mountain contrasts the bright whiteness of the snow and ice. Silence reigns.
Winter’s beauty is full of harsh angles, sharp contrasts and dramatic vistas.
Summer, on the other hand, is soft and lush. New growth peeks through the layer of melting snow and ice, full of hope and promise. Colors explode – greens of every hue in the meadows, delicate pinks and purples of the wildflowers.  Plants grow wild and uncontrollable. Warm air teems with the sounds of zooming hummingbirds, rustling leaves, cackling squirrels, bubbling water and the neverending conversations birds flitting from branch to branch.
Summer’s beauty is bright and cheerful, comfortable and unassuming.
These photos of the Stewart Falls River Valley were taken by Mountain Dad last year.  The contrast between them reminds me that no matter what the season in life, change will come.  Just like the mountain, I have extremes too. The Snow Queen side of me is harsh and demanding, daring others to defy me. As the Snow Queen I am strong and get things done. The Summer Goddess side of me is light and happy, beckoning all to dance away their cares. As the Summer Goddess I appreciate life and the joys of what it brings. And just like the seasons in the mountains, both the Snow Queen and Summer Goddess could not exist without the other.  The Snow Queen provides structure to life, helps me make goals, and motivates me to succeed.  Without that structure and forward progression, the Summer Goddess would have no purpose and could not fully enjoy the depths of happiness life has to offer. 
Just as the change, I do too.  I guess that’s what makes me a Mountain Mom.   

Motherhood Moments – My Daily Dose of Chaos

There is a moment in every parent’s day where, despite our best efforts, chaos ensues.  It could be during dinner, or perhaps when trying to get out the door. There’s no telling when it will fall, but without fail, every day there is a moment of mayhem that is beyond your control.

Today it was bath time…and the dinner that preceded it. During dinner little g would not stop crying no matter what we tried.  She is at the point in her life where she has strong opinions but does not have the words to express them. Instead she communicates with “UGH!” or “WAA!” while thrusting her tiny hands toward her desired prize.  During dinner we assumed the constant “WAAAAA!” was for hunger, but no matter what food or drink we gave her, she was not satisfied.  Finally, I took her out of her high chair to sit on my lap, assuming that what she wanted was to be held.  Even that did not stop her struggle.  She wriggled off of my lap and said “BEBE!” while grasping for the baby doll that was on the kitchen counter.

I sighed and got the doll for her, assuming that would bring relief.  Instead she toddled back to me and yelled “UGH!” while making grabby hands for me to pick her up.  Apparently, sitting on my lap wasn’t enough; she wanted to sit on my lap and eat food off my plate all while holding her brother’s baby doll. (Sidenote: The baby doll was given to Big E when little g was born so he would have his own baby to take care of while I took care of little g. The idea was that he would have less incentive to harm his sister.  If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of a boy having a baby doll, get over it.  It’s basically a life size action figure.)

While little g was eating my dinner, Big E decided to pour lemon juice all over his.  Mountain Dad and I, all patience gone between us, declared that dinner was over and started cleaning up. As part of that effort, I plopped the kids in the tub.

Normally bath time is play time.  E and g will splash and play in a jovial way.  Today started out no differently.  Excited by the water and the toys floating around them, Big E and little g poured water out of plastic cups, made rubber duckies swim and knocked toy frogs into the water.  Soon, however, I saw them drinking the bath water and spitting it out. I don’t like the idea of my kids drinking each others germs or soap, nor do I like them spitting water at each other and incidentally all over the bathroom. I declared STRIKE ONE and gave them a warning.  They went back to playing, the new game involving slapping tummies and then slapping the water.  I would’ve been fine with that, except that more water was splashing out of the tub than staying in, so I declared STRIKE TWO and gave them a warning.  Finally Big E decided to lay down in the tub, pushing g to the corner. He proceeded to kick his sister, pushing her head down to the water, while splashing the water out of the tub and all over me.  STRIKE THREE! STRIKE THREE! GET OUT OF THE TUB! Little g have drown! He got water everywhere! Instead of getting out like requested he laughed his naughty ‘you can’t catch me’ cackle and refused to get out of the tub. I grabbed his shoulders angrily and dragged him out of the tub, drenching my shirt in the process.

Since I had ended bath time so suddenly he, of course, started crying.  His crying made little g cry, which made me want to cry…or scream…or break something. I restrained myself, shed my wet shirt and started drying off my kids in just my bra.  Big E, in a traditional four year old mood swing quickly forgot that he was upset so that he could run to his room, and jump on his bed buck naked instead. Little g was still crazy upset, screaming with all her tiny lungs’ capacity, while I tried to wrestle her into a diaper and pajamas. I was still half naked and livid at E’s bad behavior in the tub.  While I’m trying to calm g down and get her into some clothes, I see Big E out of the corner of my eye.  He jumps off the bed, stops his running and stares at the floor.  Too late do I realize that he is staring at the stream of pee that is flowing from him freely, right onto the carpet.

“E!” I screamed.  “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” We are past the point of potty accidents.  He knows very well how to get to the potty in time.  Fury rushed through me as I grabbed him roughly for the second time in two minutes.

“I had to go pee,” he said, with a cocky smile on his face.

“TIME OUT, right now! Get back in the bathroom!” I threw him in and closed the door behind.  My heart pounded and my jaws clenched.  Behind me little g redoubled her screaming efforts, no doubt because my outburst had scared her.

I felt out of control and I hated myself for it.  As an adult, I know how to control my environment in order to remain calm and happy. I understand the situations that set my temper flaring and I avoid or control them as needed.  AS a parent, however, sometimes I can’t control it.  I can’t force my son to not pee on the floor. I can’t force my daughter to stop screaming and be happy.  All I can do is the best I can.  In that moment I just walked away. I went into the next room, and got myself a dry shirt, abandoning my screaming children to self destruct on their own. When logical thought returned I decided the best thing to do was to get everyone to bed as soon as possible.  So what that it was only 6:20 pm?

I went back to g and calmed her down as best I could.  I gave her the baby doll and a pacifier, then wrestled her into a diaper and pajamas.  By then E was saying, “Mom, I’m cold!  I need my towel!” and I realized that in my haste I put him back in the bathroom buck naked and he was too short to get a towel down from the shelf.  I took some deep breaths and opened the bathroom door.

“E, that was very naughty.  You know you don’t pee on the carpet! Why didn’t you pee in the potty?”

“I just felt the pee coming,” he said and shrugged. He picked up his towel and started whipping it around the room.

“What do you say to me?” I asked.  He wasn’t getting off that easy.

“Sorry, Mom,” he replied. I told him he had to get into pajamas without any complaints and he lost his soccer ball and two bedtime stories as well.  After he was dressed he helped me clean up the carpet and by then we had both calmed down considerably.

Now, the house is quiet.  Both g and E are asleep. The clock ticks and the fridge hums, but other than that it’s silent.  A calmness washes over me as my frustration and impatience silently dissipates. I can feel the night eraser doing its work. The kids are tucked in; the house is dark and quiet.

I begin to see my mothering mistakes lessen in their magnitude.  Hope, that perhaps I can be a little better tomorrow, seeps into my mind. I am left with the essential me, and I find myself thinking of little g’s laugh and Big E’s active mind.

Every day has its struggle, but after the fight, wrongs I’ve done are swallowed up by the night.

Big Springs Snowshoe

Big Springs trail is a popular snowshoeing and cross country skiing trail.  I can understand why, it’s easy to access, short, and beautiful. Plus there’s a goal that you’re hiking to – a mountain spring.  That always helps motivate me.  The 3 mile round trip hike did require some cardiovascular stamina so I opted to leave my young kids at home.  I don’t think I could’ve made it with little g on my back and snowshoes on my feet.  Instead, Mountain Dad and I went with some friends on our first true snowshoe hike of the year.
GETTING THERE:
Big Springs Trailhead is near the top of South Fork Canyon Road.  You get there by driving east on Highway 189 (Provo Canyon Road) to Vivian Park, about 8 miles.  From there turn right onto South Fork Canyon Road.  You’ll drive about 2.5 miles passing Vivian Park, several homes and ranches, and South Fork Park on the way.  Turn right at Big Springs Park and head to the back parking lot.   The hike begins on the north part of the parking lot. 

ON THE TRAIL:
The four of us strapped on our snowshoes and started out. The trail crossed the first of many wooden foot bridges and headed uphill.  We climbed gradually, enjoying the gurgling water and warmth of the sun. The trail followed the stream most of the way, which provided extra beauty to the snow covered scene. We soon realized that the trail was so packed down that we probably didn’t need the snowshoes.

 About a mile along the trail we hit a steep section that ended in a beautiful pine tree forest. I was in heaven. My favorite terrain in the world includes mountain slopes, pine trees and running water.  The cool air in my lungs and the beautiful scenery instantly put a smile on my face.  There are few things more satisfying in life than moving my body while enjoying nature.  I don’t know why I get such a rush with that combination but somehow the exercise mixed with the outdoors brings me all sorts of happiness. The forest continued a short way until we reached our goal – the Big Spring that the trail was named for.  Here we are standing at the headwaters.

After a short break at the springs we headed back down the trail.  The sun stayed warm and the scenery beautiful.  All in all it was the perfect way to spend an afternoon.