Mountain Mom and Tots

Big E’s Big Skis

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Living at Sundance Ski Resort kinda requires you to love skiing. As a mom I want my kids to love skiing as much as I love snowboarding because I’ve felt so much pure joy on the mountain. Who wouldn’t want to share that kind of joy with their kids?

Now, I’m not a downhill skier, the last time I tried it was 10 years ago. I do cross country ski a little and snowboard, a lot. You may ask, “Why not start Big E on snowboarding, if that’s what you love?” Well, in my short stint as a snowboard instructor a few years ago, there was a general rule that kids under seven are just too young to snowboard. The problem is muscle control. It’s not easy to hold your feet and ankles at the right angle to keep from falling on your face or backside, as an adult. As a young child with minimal muscle strength in the lower leg, it’s just frustrating.

Even with my lack of downhill ski knowledge I wasn’t too worried to introduce the sport to E, I snowboard religiously after all. I’m comfortable on the snow, and even if I’m not a pro skier at least I can get my son comfortable on the snow too.

We borrowed the neighbor’s boots and skis and hiked down to the resort. Kids under 6 ski free at Sundance and everyone has access to Sundance’s free tow rope. E was a little nervous, as he is with all new things and places. I showed him how to put on his boots, lock into the skis, how to make a snowplow and how to move. Since I didn’t have my own skis he was a little reluctant to try things out. For his first time, I think he did great.

After the initial trip down the slope we headed for the tow rope. My expectations were low. He liked WATCHING the tow rope. He got in line for the tow rope, but alas he never actually attempted to ride the tow rope. Part of the problem was that I did not have skis on, and therefore could not have him ride with me. Most parents tuck their tots between their skis the first time and the both go up together. Since I didn’t have skis on he would’ve had to hold on himself with me running up behind.

Bribery was useless in getting him to try the tow. I was practicing my motherly patience and didn’t want to make a big deal about it, I want skiing to be a positive experience for both of us after all. But I couldn’t help feeling a little annoyed at him not even being willing to try the tow.

After sliding around for about an hour, eating a whole pack of bribery starbursts and only falling once we decided to head back home. I’m glad I wasn’t expecting too much from him. I just wanted to get him in skis, on the snow, and having fun. I think those things were all accomplished, even if he didn’t try out the tow rope. Overall it was good, not great, but not bad.

Motherhood Moments: Bad Mom, Good Mom

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Last Saturday I left the house for a Mom’s day off. I was looking forward to a fancy lunch and some time away from my lovely, high energy kids. Little g is in the stage in her life where the only thing she wants is her mom. So as I got on my snow boots and coat she noticed, screamed and then brought me her own boots. I took her back to the couch, to her dad and handed him the boots to put on. She thought she would be coming with me since she was getting boots on and was content until she saw me walking out the door. Then her cry was loud and persistent.

Her crying seemed to say, “Mom! Wait! Don’t leave without me! Mom! Please! How could you leave me?” She ran toward the door, arms outstretched, begging me to take her along.

In the moment I felt no remorse as I closed the door in her face. I deserve some time alone, do I not? She gets so much of my attention, I don’t think it’s a bad thing to take a break for a while. So I left with no guilt.
I went to lunch and enjoyed Sundance’s Author Series where Cheryl Strayed talked about her book Wild. About an hour and half into the experience I started thinking about the kids, how they were doing, and what they were doing. Was g still crying? Two and a half hours passed and the author series ended.

I could’ve raced back home right away. I felt a kind of unspoken pressure that I should be home with the kids. That’s what I’m used to, that’s what I do everyday. But before I did my logical side kicked in. My kids were with Mountain Dad, little g should be asleep for her nap, and if there had been some emergency I would’ve gotten a phone call by now.

I reasoned that whatever damage occurred by my abandonment of little g was already done. Instead of rushing home I strapped on my snowboard and took a run down the mountain. I was at Sundance Resort and I love snowboarding. It couldn’t be helped.

When I finally returned home, three and a half hours later little g was asleep and Big E was watching TV with Mountain Dad.

“How long did little g cry?” I asked.

“Only thirty minutes or so,” said Mountain Dad. “She would walk over to the door and cry ‘mama’ a few times until I could distract her with a toy or something.”

My heart sank. Thirty minutes? My previous callousness melted away as I imagined my little cherub sobbing for her mother who she assumed had abandoned her forever. Half an hour of heart wrenching sadness is too much for anyone. I felt awful. I know logically that it’s not a bad thing to leave my children for an afternoon and go do something I love, but I still felt a little selfish.

To atone for being a “bad mom” I asked Big E if he wanted to play outside with me. If you’re like me, you’d get bored playing construction machines with a four-year-old after about five minutes. If you’re not like me then you’re either an architect, professional sand castle maker or a liar. So for me to offer to play construction machines in the snow with E, and to commit to it for a whole hour really means something. I considered it my penance for abandoning my baby. After all I was being a “good mom” for my son.

For the next hour Big E and I set about plowing the walkway using two toy front loaders, an excavator and a dump truck.

This is as far as I got before finally pulling out the shovel. I could’ve gotten the shovel out sooner and just called it a big bulldozer but I didn’t think about it until later. Besides using the toys was part of my penance. Playing side by side with Big E was my way of feeling like a “good mom” again since little g was still napping and I couldn’t make it up to her.

When little g woke up she raced over to me calling, “MA MA!” Her exuberant joy at seeing my face was only match by my joy at seeing hers. I picked her up and snuggled her for a minute. After about sixty seconds she was ready to move on. I put her back down, she picked up a toy and suddenly all was forgiven. What had I been worried about?

Looking back on it, it sounds a little silly that I felt so bad about leaving little g. It also sounds silly that I tried to clear my walkway with a four inch wide plastic scooper, but I did that too. I don’t think leaving little g made me a bad mom, nor do I think playing with Big E made me a good mom. Over all I am a loving, attentive parent, as evidenced by little g’s reaction at my return.

The judgement put on me was completely my own. Little g probably doesn’t even remember me leaving and Big E probably doesn’t remember me playing with him. I didn’t need the judgement, but I judged myself anyway. It would be great if in the moments where I feel guilty about my mothering abilities, I could just remember that I try my best. I really do. Sometimes I can’t help but feel like a good or bad mom, even when I’m neither. I’m just me, trying to be the best mom I can be.

Wild Turkeys

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I am not a huge animal lover.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind eating them every now and then, but as an adult I have never owned, nor desired to own a pet. The thought of feeding, cleaning and caring for a living creature that was not part of me at one time is mildly repulsive. I’m sure the pet lovers out there would argue that I miss out on the joy that pets can bring, but I feel like my life has other sources of joy that are less hairy and slobbery. More than anything, having a pet just sounds tiring. I already two very tiring things in my life named Big E and little g.

However, sometimes I wonder if my anti pet stance hinders my children. Between age two and three, Big E was terrified of any size of dog, and even now tries to hide behind me when big dogs are around. I imagine having pets is a great way to teach responsibility and gentleness to other living things.

In addition to those things, I may be denying little g of one of her little life’s joys. Every dog, cat or fuzzy creature we spot elicits a smile from little g’s face. At any time of day you can find her clutching tightly to her favorite stuffed animals, toddling around the room as happy as can be.

Luckily, I have found the best of both worlds. Our neighborhood is home to a flock of wild turkeys. No, flock is too gentle a word. Perhaps horde or infestation might be more appropriate. There are literally hundreds of the feathered creatures meandering around the houses and roadways. In the spring, tiny turkeys with irresistible fuzzy feathers toddle along behind their adults, bringing a smile even to my cynical face.

In this video Big E, little g and I went to find the funny creatures.

Big E is saying, “Whoa! Some of them are super close!”

It wasn’t too hard, their tracks run from my yard to my neighbors in a non stop line, not to mention their whistling and gobbling often fill the air. As a result of this field trip little g can now make turkey calls in her 16 month old way. As E and I yell, “Gobble, gobble!” Little g yells, “GA GA! GA GA!” What’s even cuter? Now every time she sees any bird she yells at the top of her lungs “GA GA!” The poor robins and blue jays just cock their heads and stare. They obviously don’t speak turkey.

Living in the mountains allows us the proximity of these wild turkeys. I consider them the neighborhood pets. They find food and shelter for themselves, but allow all of us to observe them, and their babies, in exchange for raiding the occasional bird feeder. Their wildness attracts me. I like to have them around.

Mt. Timpanogos Trailhead

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The winter wonderland that I was hoping for this February has not materialized. When we walk outside instead of seeing fluffy white snow drifts and frost covered tree branches, the sun warms our faces and bluebirds zoom across the sky. Puddles of melting snow provide endless entertainment for the tots. Squirrels dart across the yard and up the maples. The world is brighter and more alive. I have even found myself thinking about planting things.

It’s terrible.

Normally, the change in seasons is cause for rejoicing. Spring represents the end of a harsh winter, the renewing of the earth and a new season of life. Yeah, Yeah. I know all that. I just wish it would wait a little bit longer. I only get winter a few weeks a year, and this year I feel like I’m running out of time. When you love snowboarding, but you have two kids who can’t snowboard with you, it makes it tough to see the snow disappear. I live at a ski resort, and I still have not gotten enough snowboarding time. Spring can come, just wait two more months!

I suppose there are advantages to having warmer weather. One nice thing is that when I take Big E and little g out on an adventure they can stay warm, and therefore not complain as much. Yesterday I took the kids out for a walk in the woods. It couldn’t be considered a snowshoeing adventure because the trail was so packed down we were all just wearing boots.

We headed to the Mt. Timpanogos trail head at the end of the Alpine Scenic Loop byway. In the winter the Scenic Loop is closed to cars. Instead hikers, cross country skiers, snowshoers and snowmobilers enjoy the access to the mountains.

This is Big E at the trail head with the beautiful Mt. Timpanogos behind him. See how happy he is to be outdoors?

Here we are approximately 100 steps into the trail. That strip of gray in the background? It’s the parking lot. At this point E decided he wanted a picnic so we sat on the hard packed snow and ate some pretzels. See how happy little g is?

These are the kids gazing wistfully toward the car. I asked if E wanted to walk any farther on the trail. He said, “No, let’s just go home.” So much for nice weather making them want to stay on the trail longer. I wasn’t too surprised. Ethan had been sick earlier in the week. I thought he was all better, but maybe he wasn’t quite back to normal.

I sighed, packed up our snacks and g’s hiking pack and headed back to the car. Maybe when it’s actually springtime we can try it again. Yesterday it just wasn’t meant to be.

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